Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
