so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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