wat bout pragnant strippers??
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
