oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
