benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
