hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
