And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
That's intense
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
