You can't motorboat a personality
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
