Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
