your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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