shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
