thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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