Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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