Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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