I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
