It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
