Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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