He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
