he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
vagina is talking i cant
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
