I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
