Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I touched a dick in church today
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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