and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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