My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
