I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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