Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
