Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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