I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
