my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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