I think i peed on brittanys purse
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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