whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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