Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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