His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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