sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
