So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
