It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
