Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
