I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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