im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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