forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
