so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
