you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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