I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
