Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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