U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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