Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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