I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
