Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
