I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
