you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
