You can't special order awesome
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
