my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
