Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
