We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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