Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
