Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
